somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
