a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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