I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
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I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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