I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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