So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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