The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
