She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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