ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
