Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
