So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
