i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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