Cold hands, warm shart.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
