Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
