i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
