I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i barfeds in our rink
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
