I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
