I haven't been this sober since birth.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
