ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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