Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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