I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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