in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I believe in your delicious
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
