That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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