Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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