ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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