So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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