I have demons in me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
