if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
