Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
