end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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