remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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