Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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