everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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