Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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