I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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