A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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