dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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