If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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