well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
