now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
