i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
