no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
