Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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