Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
