why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
