dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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