he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i think my cat just said my name.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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