We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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