yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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