I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
