i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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