and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
