I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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