Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
