allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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