Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
