I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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