my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
