Having a random hookup so left but love u
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
