How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so let's talk penis.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
