bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
