Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
