I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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