if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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