yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
