Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
